Okay, just so we're clear, these are well-known superstitions in Burkina. Each is one hundred percent real.

So let's say you're a Burkinabe dude and you're gearing up for a roadtrip to the see the Hippo Lake near Banfora. You'll probably want to take your favorite jar of honey with you, maybe your pet duck, and hey why not bring your trusty mortar and pestle as well? Superstition dictates that if you indeed transport these items, you must spread honey on all four car wheels, wound the duck first, and put at least five francs in the mortar/pestle. If not, you'll have a highway accident. Make sure if you see a snake crossing the road in front of you, you change to a new route. Snakes are Africa's version of black cats, I guess. It's also important that if you accidentally hit a dog while driving, you don't look back or else you'll soon commit vehicular manslaughter. Just keep driving, but remember to stop after you've hit the dog and rinse the tires with urine (yes, urine) in order to salvage what little good luck you may have left.

By the way, if you're a woman, you're considered a bringer of life, so make sure you don't accidentally kill a dog or any other animal. When you're pregnant, be careful not to munch on the meat of any pregnant animal. Other foods to avoid: eating rat meat during pregnancy will result in your child eventually turning to a life of crime. Rats, after all, are like little household thieves. When holding your baby, it's especially good luck to let it urinate on your lap. When you're rearing this child, make sure you don't hit him with a shoe, a broom, or a spatula. If you do, the poor kid will become an idiot (shoe), lazy (broom), or impotent (spatula).

When choosing a wife, don't pick one with flat feet. If you do, you'll die. Note to self: find way to casually inspect Tana's soles tonight. Also, never bite your wife or husband, or else your marriage will be unlucky. It's widely believed that if a husband moves stones in the household foyer or intentionally breaks a jar of water, his wife is entitled to a divorce. It's doubly unlucky to throw a jar of hot water on the ground. The evil spirits will punish you for disrespecting any hot liquid in this way. It's a good idea to intersperse cloves of garlic randomly around your house: a garlic a day keeps the spirits at bay.

There are plenty of weird superstitions relating to animals. If you whistle after sundown, the snakes will come eat you. If you're on your way to a job interview (or any important endeavor) in Burkina and you see a hedgehog, bad news, my friend. It's not going to be pretty and you'll no doubt fail miserably, so just try not to notice hedgehogs on your way to your next inevitable next job interview. If you lose a tooth and toss it on your roof, you'll receive a rooster the very next day. I suppose the African tooth fairy is more of a rooster fairy.

In the Jula tradition, each family must have a totem animal that they must not eat. In Jula, the word totem is coincidentally pronounced Tana. So, much to our benefit, my host family's "Tana" is the dog. We haven't eaten dog yet, but mark my words- given the opportunity, I intend to sample some luscious Labradoodle or some mouth-watering Shetland Sheep Dog before I set foot again in America. I've already tried roasted caterpillar, a veritable delicacy in our neck of the woods. It crumbled like dirt in my mouth, suffocating my tongue in its bitter smokiness. An acquired taste, I suppose. I feigned a smile, flashed the obligatory thumbs up, then ran to my food suitcase (my only true safe haven in desperate times) to resuscitate my taste buds with some Skittles and gummy snacks.